FROM THE BLOG

How Today’s Online Daters Deal with Rejection

Distressed young woman
So it’s the twenty-first century and simply going up to talk to someone for hopes of a date are practically something of the past. As horrifying as traditional dating may have been it seems that society has found a new outlet that helps them avoid the horror of rejection. Online dating has become the norm rather than the exception in today’s dating space – a far cry from the perception cyber dating once represented.

Whether online or not, the potential for rejection is always looming. How do online daters handle rejection? Well in truth there are a couple of reactions and some aren’t too far from the traditional rejections. According to Emma Brown, a relationships expert representing matchmaking website Free Dating Australia, “rejection and online dating goes hand in hand, particularly for men. It’s a numbers game, a law of averages and sooner or later he will make it past first base. Seasoned online daters know this, they expect multiple rejections.”

For those less offay with this minefield, of course there is the denial reaction. Come on, you know which one I’m talking about. I’m talking about when there is that poor fellow or lady that just isn’t getting the hint that it was a fail. So instead of picking their chin up and keeping on they continue to persist. Need an example? In the old days this would look like someone continuing to call a guy or girl over a set of days ignoring the fact that every attempt rolls to voice mail. They leave those long awkward messages that make the receiver feel like they’re wearing a turtle neck in the ocean. Most just wait until the hint is received but there are those “code-red” situations where they have to be let known that the offer has been passed up.

Online isn’t much different. You look at a profile, you like, and you might even share a few messages. Instead of an awkward dinner where there is no chemistry and nothing to talk about, the online messages look like a pillar of one way messages as the other is just giving one word answers. Again, the message isn’t be received. Eventually the other person stops responding completely but the insister has convinced themselves that “maybe they haven’t gotten it yet” or “they’re just busy.” For god only knows why, instead of waiting it out they insist on more messages which usually result in getting blocked.
That’s not the only way online dating looks like the old days. Take another trip down memory lane and look to those days when there would be that friend of yours recently rejected so they took it upon themselves to maybe change their hair, get a gym membership, buy some new clothes, or even insist on a promiscuous phase! This is called the “make-over” reaction. And no, it’s not any different today I’m afraid.

You see, instead of doing all of these things in real life, online daters will do it via their profiles. They’re just not getting enough hits or they’re just not getting turned down left and right. The makeover reaction works by spicing up those profile pictures. Maybe instead of that night at the birthday party they’ll switch to last summer at the beach in a two piece. Don’t worry, gentleman will try and find a shot that shows off those muscles just the same. The online promiscuous phase just looks something like being more open to being flirty since the “nice” approach didn’t seem to be working out. Filled with great opening lines and trying to get across an air of nonchalant is what will usually dominate this form of the “make-over.”

If you think online dating is the silver bullet that will put an end to your romance rut you’re going in with the wrong approach. Take a look at this article by a leading psychotherapist outlining the mental damage and depression many face as a result of online dating not living up to the hype that draws so many in.

At the end of the day rejection is hard. Whether it’s in person or behind a computer screen. Sad to say such a cheesy thing, but the truth is rejection happens! Sometimes someone just isn’t for you and you’re not for them. Patience in the long run and being yourself should not only be your handling of rejection but you’re opening plan as well.

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